Lockdown!

Greetings Gorgers,

I am sad to report that circumstances have dramatically worsened for yours truly as I fear that I am now a prisoner in my own home. Where once there were no fences to contain me, I am now restricted from moving freely about the house. Worse yet, Dad's been talking about something called a "patriot act." Supposedly all of these new precautions and limits to my personal rights and freedoms are necessary to keep me safe, but I think this is just Mom and Dad's iron fisted attempt to maintain their strangle hold on power.

Even though I am no longer able to freely move about the premises, the guards have attempted to win me over by offering me a variety of new foods. Here I am eating cheese. It's hard. The pieces are so small that all I can do is ball a bunch of them up in my hand and hope some of them make it into my mouth. Prison food is no picnic.

Most of my time is spent banging on my cell bars while yelling "Attica! Attica!" or "Playing with my truck here boss ... spitting up in the corner over there boss"

Luckily, my good friend Beige Lightening was just transferred from the Port Sydney and Mary Lake Correctional facility and now he and I are cell mates here in D Block. During the day we fool the guards by pretending to be just an innocent baby and stuffed dog, but at night we have been digging a tunnel to the outside. Once we're sprung from the joint we plan on moving down to Tiajuana and setting up a combination tattoo parlour and daycare.

Remember gorgers...do the time, don't let the time do you.